im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Randomize
