Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize