the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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