don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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