i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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