omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
