Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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