I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
