I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Drunk is a universal language darling
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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