Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
