youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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