Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
