had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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