i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
