AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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