he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
