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last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
