I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
i think i just naturally attract stoners
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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