Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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