It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
