And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize