i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
