What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
