Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It's shark week go big or go home
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
