So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
