Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Randomize
