at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
