I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
