Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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