Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
