"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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