Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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