she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
