Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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