We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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