I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
