basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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