i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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