I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
