Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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