this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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