im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
