It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just sucked dick on a ferry
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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