:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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