so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
the condom got lost in my hair
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize