the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
