Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
