First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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