The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
