The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
