You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
