did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
its liver damage thursday
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
