You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
nutella sex= disaster
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
