bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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