Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
