wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
