Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
