The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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