Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
