oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
