remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
