see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
be right there i have to get my cape
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
