Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
