He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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