i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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