Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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