he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
