I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
