Umm I'm too high to move.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize