The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
