Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
