I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
