the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize