This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
