just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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