Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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