I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize