Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
