Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You are a genius and a whore.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
