U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
this will be a night to untag.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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