I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
