My nipple is on Facebook.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
