I have demons in me.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
