Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
its liver damage thursday
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
