After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
