can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
