So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
