I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Randomize
