I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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