I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
