I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
