I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
In America we eat man semen.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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