im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
