I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
