i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
