then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
