anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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