I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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