quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I have aggressive nipples.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
