I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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