I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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