I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize