dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
