I cannot find my penis.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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